Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he puts the penis in happiness.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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