My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize