If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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