I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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