Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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