RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
