I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
