So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
