i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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