She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
