i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
