They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
