Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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