My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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