can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
