i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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