Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize