He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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