i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
