He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
