my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize