you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
