New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We named our party play list daddy issues
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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