everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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