conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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