when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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