You smell like a Billy Joel song
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
