I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
