Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
