so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
