Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
