i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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