You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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