he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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