Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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