its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
