There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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