If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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