OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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