we're chasing vodka with high fives
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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