Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
