my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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