considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
