I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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