I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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