There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
