Plan B is the new Plan A
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
