So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
