I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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