I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
