you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
