Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize