I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
