Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize