the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
