drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
