I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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