can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
