My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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