Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sorry about my life...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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