I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
