How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
