I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
