It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
