we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
