Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
