when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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