I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
