I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
