No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
